Procrastination is Hereditary

Brian Regan is one of my favorite comedians. He can make any situation funny with his unique spin. And he does it without any foul language.

One of his best bits is called "Cup of Dirt." If you're familiar with Regan, if you're a big fan, you know this bit verbatim. You see, this comedian is among the ranks of those who have such fanatical...well...fans that they can recite his bits with him like any good 10th grader reciting "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears..."

In case you're not familiar with Brian Regan, um, first, become familiar. Well worth an hour or more of your time. And two, Cup of Dirt references his childhood experience with the always popular Science Project. You know, the one that gets assigned early in the school year and should be worked on as the year progresses, ultimately due to be displayed for everyone's ridicule at the always popular Science Fair. Snort. Except Brian Regan--much like myself--did nothing on his project, and on the morning of the Fair, his head popped off the pillow with an "Oh no. That's due today. I had all year to work on it and I did nothing."

I won't spoil the way this turns out because it's Brian Regan at his finest and absolutely hysterical. Especially when you lived this same nightmare, as I did. My procrastinating ways originated at this time in my life, I'm sure of it. I figure if I pretended the Science Project wasn't actually assigned, maybe it ultimately wouldn't be. Wrong.

And a procrastinating nature has followed me ever since. Although I did enjoy learning from college professors that creative people are typically procrastinators. That's the way to put a positive spin on a negative trait. I like it.

Last night, my 6th grader had an Oh No moment. Not a Science Project, thank goodness, because I think I'll have to be committed if I have to relive that disaster again, even in the parent role. But on Sunday night at 9:00 at night, 30 minutes before bedtime, from the backseat of my car as we were driving his friend home, my son says: "Oh no. I have a language arts project to do. It's due tomorrow."

My response: "That's not even funny, Chase." I was sure he and his pal were yanking my chain. "I mean it, Mom," he insisted. "I really have a project to do and it's got to be turned in tomorrow."

"Ha, ha, Chase. Very funny. Because if you weren't kidding, I would be very upset," I said in my most threatening, knock-off-the-jokes voice. Unfortunately, he wasn't kidding. 1 language arts project assigned two weeks ago. 0 language arts projects completed a mere 12 hours before one was due to be turned in.

Ugh. I nearly exploded and believe me, I have more parental patience than most. But when he told me the project involved video-taping a scene from a book the class read (including the use of props, various "actors" to play multiple roles, and pyrotechnics) and then burning the whole she-bang to a DVD, my patience disappeared faster than a batch of cake frosting after a bad date in my younger years.

And then I thought: while this is a learning opportunity for Chase--who I ask daily if he has homework, what it is and if it's done (and he missed a good 14 opportunities to mention this little project to me)--can I really get too upset after realizing that procrastination is clearly hereditary?