Lolly Pops and Unicorns

My son has played sports since he was four years old. As my first (and only) child, I learned a lot when he entered the arena of children's athletics and played season after season of various sports in his pre-teen years. I learned how to bite my tongue, what offsides means in soccer, that screaming "hit him!" is entirely appropriate in a sport that uses pads and encourages body blows, what the crease is in lacrosse, and the fact that you aren't playing to win anymore.

Huh? What's that last one, again? You read correctly. You're playing a sport against another team, fellows, but there'll be no winner and no loser. Why not? We don't keep score. That way, evvvvverybody wins! Go--have fun!

That last one was a toughie for most everyone to understand (everyone but the geniuses who came up with the scheme) because it goes against the natural order of things. Not keeping score in a game is like no popcorn in the movie theater, no syrup on the ice cream, no bacon on the filet. What's the point? It's better than nothing, I guess, but not nearly as good as it could be. Don't ask me why my analogies are all food-related. This no-score-nonsense was most apparent in baseball, where the scoreboards mocked us from the outfield, the lights as dark as night. No score. (I've got news for you though: there's always a score and someone always wins and loses. Just because it's not broadcast on a lighted board and we're not supposed to utter the numbers aloud in the stands doesn't mean they don't exist and that the kids aren't aware of them; oh, they know.)

I never agreed with this (can you tell?). When you play games, there is a winner and there is a loser (sometimes more than one). But that is life and the sooner you learn to win graciously and lose without it killing your spirit, the better. What I learned as Chase grew older and we've now reached an age where score is kept, is that kids are really, really bad losers because of all that no score business. They haven't had to figure out how to deal with losing and still move on with your head high. There are tons of life lessons to be learned through healthy sports activities--being a team player, working hard for something you want, encouraging a teammate who didn't do well, practice makes perfect...and yes, learning how to deal with the ol' "ya win some, ya lose some."

Chase just had his first official try-out for a sport. One where not just everyone who wants to be on the team plunks down some dough and poof! they're on the team. It was a try-out for his middle school spring lacrosse team. I'm not sure which of us was more nervous. But again, practice is key, try your best, understand you don't always get what you want no matter how bad you want it, and Chase was ready. And he made the team. I'm delighted for him; he's so excited it's cool to watch.

But here is what I loved: In the 15 sheets of information, forms to fill out, tallies to total up how much this will break the bank, rules, expectations, etc, there must have been five or six locations where it is spelled out that this is a competitive team. "...and as such, we play to win. Yes, we work on skills and yes, we will work to give everyone some amount of playing time, but we're also here to win and that means in certain instances, we will be putting our best players in, not necessarily whoever has played least in the game so far." And this is something they wanted to make sure parents and kids understood before accepting a position on the team. Just because you make the team, pay the loot for uniforms and myriad fees, you are not guaranteed playing time. If you have a problem with it, you may take it up with the board, not the coaches.

So refreshing...because this is how it is in real life. It's not all lolly pops and unicorns. Sometimes it's hardships and things not going the way you want them to. But you know, good things come from losing, too, or realizing you need to practice more, try harder, pay more attention. And those are investments that serve kids well in sports and in life. And if our kids grow up equipped to handle the ups and the downs, both sides of the coin, then didn't we, as parents, raise all winners?